


What Happens Next Is This

by Seeress



Series: Figure Skating Rivals: Hanyu and Fernandez, a History [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: A product of watching too many FS interviews and podium/gala videos, Apparently I can't write a simple pairing fic without it turning into a character study, Javier and the Nile, Javier has a lot of girlfriends, M/M, Yuzuru is pretty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-26 13:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14403522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seeress/pseuds/Seeress
Summary: For Javier, it always began with Rostelecom in 2011. Yuzuru thinks otherwise.





	1. Chapter 1

For Javier, it always began with Rostelecom in 2011. He had seen Yuzuru before in other competitions but he was just the new kid from Japan; worth noting but not quite important to make an imprint on his mind. Rostelecom _changed_ things.

Yuzuru skated his short program right after Javier did and Javier had time to watch. Yuzuru was, unexpectedly, quite beautiful. Javier has since learned that the program touched on Yuzuru’s emotions about the Touhoku disaster but that knowledge is for the future, when they already shared rinks and their life histories in the locker room. For that moment, Javier only thought that the blue with white costume reminded him of the way the sea foamed as it crashed on the shore. And that Yuzuru Hanyu was beautiful on the ice.

The following day Yuzuru again skated after Javier had already completed his free skate. This time, Javier stayed to watch. He could say that he was checking out the competition - he was in the lead with only 3 more skaters to go - but after watching Michal Brezina skate, Javier clearly remembers the rising anticipation he felt, and his realization that it wasn’t just him. The whole stadium was humming with it. Yuzuru took to the ice and his Romeo - impassioned and tragic - answered the call. Javier didn’t bother watching the last skater. He already knew he would medal, only the color remained to be determined. He was high on adrenaline from his win and Yuzuru’s skate. 

Not even 6 months later, Yuzuru would come train with Javier in Canada. What began in Rostelecom would be defined and cemented in the 6 years to come.

They say that sexuality is a range of preferences. Had Javier been stationed at the farther end of spectrum, with sexual leanings towards his own gender, his fascination and close proximity to Yuzuru would have resulted in a relationship that takes them from the rink to the privacy of one or the other’s bedroom. In a better world, Javier and Yuzuru would be in an established, monogamous, healthy, romantic, highly sexual relationship, with only the nurturing coaching staff of the Toronto Cricket Club in the know. They would be helping each other reach their goals while having satisfying sex after each punishing practice.

Javier, however, definitely likes women. He likes how they are soft and slender, and curved in places where he is hard and straight edged. He likes the feel of their smooth skin under his fingers, the silky hair that frame their pretty faces, and the sweet smiles they keep giving him. What throws him for a loop is that his new rinkmate is all smooth skin, slender body, with one of the _sweetest_ smiles that Javier has ever seen but is definitely, positively male. Javier knows this for a fact, what with sharing locker rooms and Yuzuru’s casual attitude to nudity. Yuzuru’s impossibly tiny waist practically begs for Javier’s hands to rest on it, at that place just above the jut of Yuzuru’s hips, as if that space was made just for him. But Yuzuru is not soft. He has the body of an elite athlete, his muscles toned to perfection from his daily regimen of ice time, gym, and flexibility exercises. And despite the mind-boggling waist to hip ratio, Yuzuru distinctly lacks curves where Javier generally likes women to have them. 

The one part of Yuzuru’s body that is soft is his face. His cheeks are full, like a child who has eaten too many empanadas. When he smiles, his chubby cheeks puff up as his eyes crinkle until they almost disappear. Javier touches Yuzuru’s face the way he learned love from his own father. A warm palm fitted to the side of Yuzuru’s neck, just below the jaw, the thumb caressing the cheek in affection. He would hold Yuzuru’s face and smile into his eyes. During bad days, his thumbs would wipe away the tears. He holds on to Yuzuru more often than his father ever did to him, his hands lingering, but Javier was never one to closely examine his motives or motivation. 

They didn’t always fit together as easily as they do now; arm slung over the shoulder, hand on the waist, touches on the face, full on body hugs. Yuzuru at 17 was a product of his culture; unceasingly polite with a personal space bubble disproportionate to his tiny frame. Javier at 21 is Spanish to the core and is as handsy as they come. Between Javier’s persistent friendliness and Yuzuru’s isolation and uncertainty, Javier slowly imposed his existence on Yuzuru’s life. With no one else to turn to, no reproving society to show him what should and should not be done, Yuzuru soaked up the attention and responded in kind. They sat together practically on each other’s laps, thighs touching, shoulders nudging each other. They held hands, they laughed, they smirked, and ran fingers through each other’s hairs in uncomplicated affection. During those days of easy companionship, Javier would sometimes catch himself thinking how much prettier Yuzuru is than his girlfriend.

What followed was 6 years of World Championships, Grand Prix events, and Olympic games where they traded podium placements - unless Javier didn’t place at all. Yuzuru was better than him. Better skills, better focus, stronger will to win. But Yuzuru is human and perfection is not guaranteed. Even Yuzuru Hanyu falls sometimes. And with each fall, a strain is added to their easy camaraderie. Javier knows that Yuzuru cares for him enough to want to share his win with him. He knows that if Yuzuru was going to lose, he would rather it was to Javier. But while Yuzuru really, truly is happy for Javier, Yuzuru’s consuming emotion is frustration at himself for losing. 

As Yuzuru continued to etch his name in the history books, Javier began to resent his role in the narrative as Yuzuru’s pillar of support. Javier was a 2 time World Champion in his own right, not just Yuzuru’s rinkmate. Despite this, they could have gone on as before except for one thing: Javier has tasted success, and is unwilling to go back to being mediocre. The key to their relationship was always Javier’s willingness to indulge Yuzuru in his habits, boundaries, and expectations. Javier had always let Yuzuru set the tone - they would roughhouse when Yuzuru was in the mood, barely speak to each other when Yuzuru is intense. But the 2016-2017 season was not kind to Javier and it became a wake-up call. The young up-and-coming skaters are here-and-now; Javier was getting old, but he wasn’t done quite yet. This would be his last Olympics and he needed to make it count. Javier requested for training time away from Yuzuru. He needed to focus and Yuzuru, well, he was distracting. Even though Yuzuru barely smiled these days, his body lines in the form-fitting training gear still catches Javier’s eyes despite that, really, he should be used to it by now. But Yuzuru was always beautiful on the ice, now more than ever.

When Yuzuru got injured just as the Olympics season got started, it was a testament to Javier’s character that he never once thought how serendipitous this is for him and his chances of winning the gold. Javier tried to bridge the gap that had sprung between him and Yuzuru, and offered comfort how he could. He texted and skyped encouragement when Yuzuru was in Japan, and gave hugs and consoling pats when he finally arrived in Toronto. He was relieved to find that the gap proved easier to bridge than he ever thought possible. Yuzuru leaned into his embrace and soaked Javier’s shirt with his tears. Javier cooed in soft consoling tones, saying over and over that Yuzuru will be fine, he will be able to compete at the Olympics, all the while willing his words to be true. 

The Olympics came and Yuzuru conquered. Javier won a victory as well. It wasn’t gold but it was enough for him and his country. He will use it as the cornerstone of his plan to make the sun-loving Spain acknowledge his ice sport. In the blink of an eye, his career was done. He’s done with training, done with competing. He goes home to a city he left when he was 17. And he _was_ happy. For a time. 

When Yuzuru first joined them in Toronto, Javier was with Cortney. Then he was with Miki. Then he was with Marina. Cortney broke up with him because, as she says, he had become distracted, and she suspected he was seeing someone else (he really wasn’t!). Javier had known Miki for years but had only become attracted to her after Sochi. When he’s awake at night, he thinks guiltily if the fascination for all things Japanese that Yuzuru does, has somehow caused him to fetishize on Miki. He compensates by being extra sweet to her. Physical distance, however, is much harder to compensate for and they eventually break up. Yuzuru was sympathetic but practical (Sorry about break up. Train more and feel better). Javier was vacationing in Madrid when he met Marina. It was easy coming together. None of the language barriers from his previous relationships, same shared culture despite that he hasn’t actually lived in Spain for almost 10 years. There were some misaligned patches - he’s already coming to the end of his competitive career, she’s still in university and unsure what to do with her life. He had originally toyed with the idea of staying in Canada but Marina’s presence cements the idea of Javier returning to Spain for good.

After several months in Madrid, long after the excitement of coming home to sun and sea has faded, and Javier has begun telling his reflection in the mirror that, yes, of course, he is happy, Marina breaks up with him. She said he has become distant, distracted. This gives him a bad case of deja vu. Marina tells him that if he is just going to continue to mope, to better go back to Toronto as she cannot be Yuzuru. 

It bothers Javier that the three women he had loved all complained - repeatedly - that he talked about Yuzuru too much. None of them were truly happy with his close, physically affectionate ties with Yuzuru, even Miki, although she hid it better. Marina was the worst of them. Her fiery Spanish blood made her jealous of women who stood too close to Javier or smiled too coyly, perhaps reflecting on how she once managed to catch his attention by doing the exact same things. It made Javier uncomfortable that the jealousy extended to Yuzuru. Unhinged people posting on Javier’s instagram proclaiming their undying support for _yuzuvier_ did not help matters. 

During competitions, there is barely any interaction between Javier and Yuzuru. They both have their game on. Post competition though, the relief, adrenaline high, and exultation from winning makes Yuzuru a _very_ happy and affectionate Yuzuru. To stave off arguments with Marina (which he hated) Javier tried to distance himself from Yuzuru during live broadcast of their practices and gala performances. Left alone, Yuzuru would flit to other skaters and shower them with his own brand of sweetness and borderline flirting. Javier doesn’t analyze the hollow pit he has in his stomach. When he gives in and touches Yuzuru, and he feels the familiar warmth bloom in his chest at seeing Yuzuru smile, Javier rationalizes that he has never been good at saying no to Yuzuru anyway.

In another reality where Javier is a less gentle version of the man he is, it could be that Javier uses Yuzuru’s feelings for him as a way to get over his break-ups. What better way to get over your ex than to have a beautiful boy writhing under you in pained ecstasy as you pummel his ass into the mattress. And after all the writhing and pummelling is done, you go and find another pretty, slender, curvy woman to woo and court.

Or it could be that the less gentle Javier had the beautiful boy’s lips wrapped around Javier’s cock during fleeting, necessarily clandestine affairs when they were in competitions together. In hotel rooms while the roommate is out or in shower stalls in empty locker rooms. Or perhaps when Cortney was away for her own training and competitions, or Miki was in Japan, or Marina was in Madrid, and Javier had Yuzuru in Toronto.

But Javier _is_ gentle, and Yuzuru’s presence in his life is worth far more than ego boosts or quick release for pent-up frustrations. Javier’s sister once said wistfully that she wishes someone looked at her the way Javier looked at Yuzuru. Startled, Javier raised an eyebrow. Laura said he looked at Yuzuru as if he was the most precious thing on earth. Javier laughed it off and ignored the voice in his head that asked _but isn’t that what he is?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Post Pyeongchang, Yuzuru mentioned in an interview that Javier is very kind, almost too kind for competition.
> 
> Press conference of Rostelecom 2011, where Yuzuru and Javier first got to the podium together. You can see that Javier is already enchanted with Yuzuru (who is so tired he can barely stay awake, poor boy).  
> [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbvVH64cwRU&t=119s)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuzuru is focused. Javier gets a clue.

Yuzuru was in the middle of training when he sees a familiar figure standing by the hall leading to the outer doors. His squeal of “Habi!” made everyone turn around but Yuzuru was already speeding towards Javier. The Spaniard barely had time to brace himself before finding himself with an armful of Yuzuru. With his skates on, Yuzuru towered over Javier almost comically but he still managed to drape himself over Javier, years of experience coming to his rescue. They haven’t seen each other since the ice shows after the Olympics, their schedules preventing them from even being in the same continent at the same time. Yuzuru broke off from the hug only to go back in for another one, his excitement getting the better of him. Javier seemed happy enough to oblige. Yuzuru finally stepped back as Tracy and Brian crowded in to get their own hugs.

“You come to train for Euros?” Yuzuru asked, and Javier nodded, pleased. Skating season is already in full swing. Yuzuru has a gold from a B competition and is preparing for his first Grand Prix event, but Euros isn’t until after the new year.

“I’m just here today to touch base with Brian. I don’t start training until tomorrow” said Javier. “What time do you finish today?”

Yuzuru looked at the clock. “Still one hour.”

Javier nodded. “I need to go talk with the team but maybe we can go out after you’re done?” he asked.

Yuzuru hesitated but only for a moment. “Okay. I tell _Okaasan_ will be with Javi.”

“Say hello to your mom for me,” Javier said with a smile and wave, walking off to Brian’s office.

Yuzuru came out of the locker room to find Javier waiting for him at the lounge, busy with his phone. Javier smiled up at Yuzuru as he approached. Without discussing it, they started walking to the ice cream place a block away. Despite half a year of not seeing each other, Yuzuru was amused at how seamlessly they seem to have gotten back to their old habits.

“What’s so funny?” Javier asked.

Yuzuru shook his head, still smiling, “I’m just happy to see you.”

Yuzuru’s openness in saying how he felt is decidedly odd for a Japanese but he has learned, through bitter experience, that the best way to deal with his emotions - heartfelt gratitude, frustration, happiness, guilt, the weight of responsibility - was to voice them, give them an outlet. Keeping them in threatened to overwhelm him, preventing him from focusing on what matters.

With Javier, years of familiarity made it easy. Yuzuru seldom missed a chance to let Javier know how much Yuzuru values him. Yuzuru affirms Javier’s importance in his life, hoping that it would recompense for all the slights that Javier has suffered by being Yuzuru’s friend, rival, and training mate. Between the two of them, Yuzuru knows that Javier got the rawer end of the deal.

In the beginning, the language barrier was a constant source of frustration for Yuzuru. Trying to comprehend and express himself in English was more tiring than the actual ice practice. Unlike other skaters, Yuzuru was involved in every aspect of his skating. Even at 17, Yuzuru had a clear vision of what he wanted. All he needed was help in executing it. The first issue he had with Brian was almost also the last. Yuzuru had come to Canada to learn jumps; Brian wanted him to focus on improving his skating skills. It wasn’t that Yuzuru was against practicing skills - Brian would be hard-pressed to find a student more devoted to practicing - the problem was Yuzuru hadn’t understood why Brian stopped him from doing jumps. Looking back, Brian was correct, of course, Yuzuru’s improved skating skills became the foundation of the world record breaking athlete he was today. But it would have saved everyone a lot of grief had Yuzuru understood Brian’s reasoning.

Sometimes the problem was not language but Yuzuru himself. Going into the 2015-2016 season, Yuzuru’s left ankle began giving him problems. But his poor performance in the previous year’s Worlds kept him up nights and he couldn’t let pain slow him down. By the time he admitted to the problem, his ankle was well and truly injured. Brian was furious. Keeping everything to himself didn’t help Yuzuru win Worlds that year. When all was done, and he was crying in Javier’s arms, uncertain if he will ever skate again, he remembered the hurt he saw in Brian’s face behind the anger and regretted being the one to put it there.

Talking with Javier was different. Pantomime and basic vocabulary sufficed if all you wanted was to eat ice cream after practice. Yuzuru didn’t realize how difficult the adjustment would be and he would be forever grateful to Javier for taking him under his wing. Yuzuru had a bubbly engaging personality by nature but you wouldn’t have known it from those first few months in Canada. He was often quiet, sullen, frustrated at not being able to understand, embarrassed at not being able to speak. Javier was the Spanish sun amidst all the funk.

When his federation broached the idea of training outside Japan, Yuzuru had originally favored going to Russian coaches. He spent the summer there, ostensibly to learn choreography but really to see if he would like the environment. Months of secret negotiations were halted when Yuzuru announced that he wanted to go to Brian Orser in Canada instead.

Whenever Javier was asked to recount how his relationship with Yuzuru began, Javier would always say Rostelecom in 2011, their first podium together. This amused Yuzuru because he thought they began in Rostelecom 2010. It was Yuzuru’s second Grand Prix event in his first year in the senior circuit and he placed a poor 7th. Javier placed an even poorer 9th. Yuzuru kept serious tabs on the performance and achievements of his competition, watching their videos, studying program layouts. Six months after Rostelecom (the first one), Yuzuru heard that Javier changed coaches. Three months later, Yuzuru started his second season with a gold in Nebelhorn. Javier was also there, placing fourth. Yuzuru noted the difference in Javier’s skating. Two months later, Javier got silver in Skate Canada (placing second only to Patrick Chan!) and Yuzuru’s eyes narrowed as he watched the video of Javier’s performance - he landed the only clean quad in the short program. A month later at Rostelecom (the second), Yuzuru beat Javier to gold by only .03 points. The next day, Yuzuru told the Japanese federation his decision.

Once during an ice show, the Team Japan ladies were gossiping backstage, giggling at how long Javier’s eyelashes were. Kanako jokingly asked Yuzuru if he was sure he chose to train in Canada because of Javier’s jumps and not his pretty eyes. Yuzuru just blinked at Kanako; Javier was Javier but skating was skating.

Yuzuru grew up watching the rivalry between Yevgeny Plushenko and Alexei Yagudin. Yuzuru could practically taste the bitterness and animosity between the two great skaters on screen. It wasn’t surprising that Yuzuru came to Canada thinking that he would have the same relationship with Javier. Yuzuru hasn’t had good experience when it came to skating rivals. He was getting better too fast, bypassing the more senior skaters, causing friction even among his teammates. This was partly why he agreed to leave Japan. While Daisuke and Machiba were always unfailingly polite to Yuzuru, their fans were not so restrained, angry at what they perceive as upstart Yuzuru usurping what he has not yet earned.

On hindsight, Yuzuru really should have known better. Yuzuru beat Javier in their second Rostelecom and yet Javier spent the press conference praising Yuzuru for his great skating and at such a young age. Yuzuru was dead tired at the time and was in no condition to grasp Javier’s Spanish-accented English, but he remembered Javier smiling at him with genuine warmth, his brown eyes big with wonder.

Javier met him in Canada with the same genuine warmth and wonderment. Yuzuru expected envy and never got it. The first time he did a triple Axel from back counter during practice in Toronto, Yuzuru heard a gasp from behind him, followed by whooping cheers. Giddy with excitement, Javier asked him to do it again. Yuzuru did. Later, as they were eating ice cream and Javier was telling him a story Yuzuru was sure he would appreciate more if only he could understand more than half words, Yuzuru thought he preferred this kind of rivalry much better.

Living in Toronto got better, but not for a long while. Yuzuru could barely stand up from the weight he carried - the expectations of his country, the responsibility to deliver, the guilt for running away, for daring to reach for his dreams when so many of his people have died or are still suffering. Just as Sochi Olympics season was about to start, Yuzuru caved in from the pressure. His mother found him sobbing in his bed, crumpled letters from Sendai still clutched in his hands. They all said the same things - _Good luck! We are cheering for you! Do your best!_ \- but each word felt like another expectation he needed to fulfill. His mother waited until his tears subsided, gently stroking his hair. She began to read one of the letters out loud. He turned to bury his face again in the pillow but she touched him and said “Listen.” She read again. Yuzuru closed his eyes and she read, and read. Finally, Yuzuru heard his mother say “these are not heavy stones sent to keep you down, they are feathered wings to lift you up. _Listen_. Hear what they say. Accept them in the spirit with which they are given.” Yuzuru nodded, and took the lesson to heart. In every competition since, in every interview, and fan meetings, he took time to read the banners that people put up to cheer him on. Even as his popularity grew, his mother and sister would carefully go through the small mountain of Pooh bears, picking out the letters and cards for him to read after the competition.

One time, Javier came up to him with a sheepish smile and handed him a handful of cards, asking what the Japanese writing said. “I know these two mean my name but what do the rest say?” In their next competition together, Yuzuru noted that while the majority of the audience waved Japanese flags, some of them brought little Spanish flags to wave when it was Javier’s turn, and all of them were cheering for him. Yuzuru took in the scene almost overcome with emotion; his people have adopted Javier - who could barely get any recognition in his country - as their own. Yuzuru has never been more proud.

As Yuzuru began to soar, and a newer generation of skaters came to nip at his heels, Yuzuru consciously applied Javier’s approach to rivalry. Every time a reporter asked him about Shoma Uno, Yuzuru would point out how happy he is to be part of the same team and proud that they are able to represent Japan together. He is careful to praise Boyang Jin for his jumps, crediting him with sparking the quad revolution, which pushed Yuzuru to elevate his game. Post-competition, he goes around each of them, praising them for their improving skills. There is as much admiration in their eyes as determination to beat him. Yuzuru smiles at them, one hand softly touching an arm or shoulder, and watches as the balance tilt towards admiration. Yuzuru is easy to love.

Yuzuru watched the press conference for the podium placers in Worlds Milan with his injured leg propped up on a chair. He and Javier have tossed the Worlds title between them for a quad now, and they have set the tone for competitors’ dynamics in figure skating. Yuzuru noted the smiles and exaggerated hand movements as the three gamely tried to communicate despite speaking 3 different languages, and felt proud of his handiwork.

Yuzuru has been described as intense. Focused. Driven. Yuzuru doesn’t think that of himself at all. He knows he is weak. If he is strong enough, it wouldn’t have been necessary to leave Japan and train in Canada. If he was focused, he would be able to ignore the hurtful comments he sees spoken against himself and those close to him. He would be able to channel all his energy into skating without being tempted by other things he wanted to do, things he wanted to have.

Almost as soon as he got to Canada, Yuzuru realized that Javier can be a weakness. He shouldn’t need Javier’s hand to pull him up when he spills on the ice, he shouldn’t need Javier’s easy laughter to ease the pressure of competition, he shouldn’t feel safe and treasured whenever Javier smiles at him, dispelling his longing for home. But Javier was persistent, and Yuzuru, though loath to admit it, was lonely. So like the words from the people of Sendai, Yuzuru used Javier to hold himself up. Not like a crutch but like an extra pair of wings, keeping him afloat when he gets overwhelmed. He doesn’t need to be strong all the time because Javier is there to keep him going. It’s a different kind of coping from how he usually does things. Instead of giving up what he wants, Yuzuru embraced Javier’s presence and allowed the energy he gets from it to push him forward. Yuzuru had to admit it made for a happier life than his usual self-deprivation strategy.

Brian thinks Yuzuru resents Javier for beating him at Worlds twice. But he doesn’t, not really. More than anyone else Yuzuru knew how hard Javier had trained, and he deserved the win. Yuzuru was upset with _himself_ for losing, for not skating his best, and he reacted the only way he knew how: he pared away his weaknesses. He stopped doing all the things that gave him pleasure, that distracted him from training. That included Javier.

He is unsure if Javier understood why Yuzuru deprived himself of Javier’s companionship. Yuzuru saw the hurt and confusion in Javier’s eyes. Yuzuru thinks of his mother - uprooted from her family and friends; thinks of his father and sister - deprived of wife and mother, and steels his heart each time. There is only skating and the goals he has set for himself, nothing else, _no one_ else could matter.

That year was a very rewarding one for Yuzuru, and it was easy to believe that what he gave up was worth the medals he got. Unfortunately, that season was not good for Javier. He finished off podium in both Worlds and the Grand Prix. Yuzuru tried not to think about whether his actions affected Javier enough to cause his bad performance. Yuzuru is under no illusion as to how Javier felt about him - string of girlfriends or no.

Yuzuru knows Javier like he knows one of his programs. This Javier had something on his mind. Javier reached out across the table and took Yuzuru’s hand, linking their fingers together.

“I missed you,” Javier said quietly.

Oh, Yuzuru thought. He knew this look in Javier’s eyes.

“I missed you too,” Yuzuru said brightly, attempting to lighten the mood. “TCC not same without you. Jun Hwan doesn’t play,” Yuzuru continued with a little pout.

Javier chuckled low, sending frissons of pleasure down Yuzuru’s belly.

“Don’t terrorize Jun Hwan.”

“I don’t! But he’s too serious. Not good to train all the time. Or so Javi tells me,” Yuzuru finished cheekily.

“I’m gone for half a season and already you’ve replaced me,” Javier said.

“Not true. You’re still my favorite, my most important person. I’m happy you’re back.”

Javier smiled at Yuzuru and squeezed their linked fingers. “I’m happy to be back too.”

They fitted into each other’s routines like Yuzuru didn’t spend the last three months conscious of the space across the rink where Javier should have been. Yuzuru’s program was complete, and he was ready for the season. If he was honest, this made him anxious. This was how it was going into the Olympic season last year; he was ready early, and then the injury happened taking him off the ice for 2 months.

“It’s not going to be like last year. Don’t borrow troubles” Javier said one day, half soothing, half exasperated. Just as he knew Javier, Javier also knew Yuzuru very well.

His injury last year hit Yuzuru hard. He could try for another Grand Prix title, another Worlds, but 2022 is too far away it might as well be a hundred years. He had never wanted anything in his life as much as he wanted that gold in Pyeongchang. When Javier reached out, Yuzuru grabbed hold. He selfishly took and took, wallowing in Javier’s love for him, forgetting that he had deliberately - cruelly - ignored Javier for over a year so Yuzuru could focus on his own skating. When the tears have dried up, and it seemed like his ankle can hold up long enough for him to compete after all, Yuzuru threw himself back into training but resolved to keep open the channel that Javier has re-bridged. There was no time for more drama in any case. Javier was already off for Euros, and Yuzuru only had 3 weeks to get ready for the Olympics.

Asahi TV had approached Yuzuru some months before the Olympics about holding his own ice show. With the injury and uncertainty of even going to the Olympics, this idea was tabled and only revisited after Yuzuru had actually won the gold. By that time Yuzuru already had a clear idea of how he wanted the ice show to be. They picked the dates, taking care that it won’t conflict with other scheduled ice shows, and Yuzuru personally contacted each guest skater. He did not expect Javier to turn him down.

“That’s my birthday weekend, Yuzu. I’ll be in Madrid,” Javier explained patiently over the video call, giving him an apologetic smile.

Yuzuru was aware of that, he simply thought that Javier wouldn’t mind spending it with him. “But it’s for everyone who inspired me in skating, Javi. You inspired me most. You have to be there.” Yuzuru was aware that he was whining but he can’t help it. How can he have _Continues with Wings_ when the person who gave him wings won’t be there?

“I can’t be the only one who said no.”

“Stephan can’t make it,” Yuzuru said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“There you go then.”

Yuzuru gave Javier a look, clear even through the video feed. Stephan not being there and Javier not being there is not the same thing.

“How about I record a message for you? Telling you how much our time together has meant to me,” Javier’s smile has turned from apologetic to soft and indulgent.

“Javi…,” Yuzuru can’t believe Javier is saying no. He never says no.

“Or. We could do a live feed. I can skate for you while I’m in Madrid.”

“Or you can come,” Yuzuru said.

“C’mon, Yuzu. It’s my birthday. Marina has already made plans.”

“I know. I just thought it would be nice if we could spend it together,” Yuzuru said in a small voice.

Javier made a sharp intake of breath. “Yuzu.”

“I know, I know! It’s your birthday and Marina already made plans. Video feed is good idea. I’m sure tech guys can work it out,” Yuzuru said in a rush. “I’ll see you soon,” he continued, smiling brightly to cover the pounding in his ears. “Bye, bye, Javi!” waving at the screen.

After a pause, Javier responded with a “Bye, Yuzu” and the call was cut.

The ice show was a success. Javier’s live feed skating - not so much. Javier endured Yuzuru’s teasing with good grace.

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t be there, Yuzu.”

“It’s okay,” Yuzuru said, shaking his head at Javier’s image in the phone screen. “I could feel you with me. I’ll send you copy of my programs. Asahi TV already finished the edits. Misha says it was weird to see me in my old costumes. He says it hurt his brain. But in a good way!”

“What costumes did you wear?”

“Zig, Etude, and RomiJuri. The first one.”

“Ah! Rostelecom,” Javier exclaimed.

Yuzuru smiled, knowing Javier meant their second one, not recalling that Zigeunerweisen was Rostelecom as well, their first together. “Yes, Rostelecom.”

They don’t talk everyday but often enough that Yuzuru was updated on what Javier was up to. Yuzuru, of course, didn’t do much other than train. Promotions for his own ice show kept Javier busy. After pestering Javier about _Continues with Wings_ , Yuzuru felt a little guilty that he can’t appear in Javier’s show. What compels Javier to schedule it during skating season, Yuzuru does not know, but Javier knows better than to even ask Yuzuru to go.

Javier has been in Toronto for almost three weeks when he takes Yuzuru’s hand briefly during a pause in training and asks him if they could talk after practice. Yuzuru nods and was distracted for the rest of the practice session. Yuzuru has a feeling he knows where this is going. It’s been a good three weeks, almost as good as their halcyon days before all the medals and injuries got in their way. He was aware of Javier’s presence, his gaze on Yuzuru, his lingering touches. They would come together briefly during breaks, talk a little after practice, always touching, always laughing. Tracy hugged him one afternoon after practice. “It’s good to see you happy, Yuzu.” Surprised, Yuzuru hugged her back.

Yuzuru _was_ happy. Rinkmates did not mean he and Javier lived in each other’s pockets. For most of their 6 years together, Yuzuru had schoolwork and barely had time to socialize. Yuzuru was initially too young to drink, and then later discovered he didn’t like to drink alcohol after all. He didn’t play football, go sightseeing, or watch English movies. Outside of the occasional dessert snack, his time with Javier was limited pretty much to the rink. But they were there practically every day for up to 6 hours a day, so he could say that he spent more time with Javier than any other person, certainly more time than any of his girlfriends ever did.

But the idyllic days are about to end, which is probably what prompted this wanting to talk. Their different schedules are about to pull them apart. They didn’t always get the same Grand Prix assignments, and their Nationals and Euros/4 Continents are, of course, different. But they’re together for the GP finals and Worlds, and after each competition, they always came back to Toronto as their base. That wasn’t the case now. Yuzuru would do Grand Prix and his Nationals, Javier would do his ice shows and Euros. By the time Yuzuru came back to Toronto to prepare for 4 Continents and Worlds, Javier would already be back in Madrid, his season over. Yuzuru thought back to the three months he trained without Javier and frowned.

“Do you want to come see my new place?” Javier asked later. Yuzuru nodded.

It was smaller than Javier’s old apartment but much closer to the rink. Yuzuru could tell that the furnishings came with the place, it was a little too impersonal for Javier’s usual taste. Javier made the usual host noises, asking if he wanted something to eat or drink. Yuzuru asked to use the washroom. After drying his hands, Yuzuru looked into the mirror above the sink, asking his reflection if he was ready for this.

When Yuzuru came out to the living room, he found Javier stretched out on the couch. Yuzuru glanced around but there was no other place to sit. Javier half sat up, making space for Yuzuru, and lay back down again once Yuzuru has settled in, his head now on Yuzuru’s lap.

“Somebody thinks he’s a cat,” Yuzuru smiled indulgently, as he began to run his fingers lightly through Javier’s curls.

“I miss Effie,” Javier said. His cat was in Madrid with his parents.

“You’ll see her soon enough,” Yuzuru replied, soothing.

This wasn’t an unusual position for them to be in, Javier has lain on Yuzuru’s lap often enough in the TCC lounge and backstage in ice shows. But not in recent years. Javier took Yuzuru’s free hand and threaded their fingers together, resting them on top of his chest. Javier closed his eyes. There was affection in each of Yuzuru’s strokes, warmth in their clasped hands. Yuzuru felt grateful; he didn’t think he would be allowed this again.

“I’m single again,” Javier said, finally breaking the silence.

“Marina?” Yuzuru asked.

“We broke up months ago.”

“I’m sorry to hea -” Yuzuru said automatically.

“Are you really?” Javier cut him off but then shook his head, closing his eyes again. “Never mind. I’m okay, I just needed time to be sure of what I wanted.”

“And what do you want?” Yuzuru asked softly, through the pounding in his chest.

“I want this.” Javier opened his eyes, looking up at Yuzuru. “I want more than this,” squeezing their entwined hands. “I want this all the time. I’m never as happy as I am with you. I swear to God you drive me crazy sometimes, Yuzu, but I’m tired of trying to make it work with other women. It never does and I only end up hurting people.”

“It’s not my fault you break up,” Yuzuru said, a little indignant.

“No, of course it’s not,” Javier said, raising the back of Yuzuru’s hand to his lips for a pacifying kiss. “But none of my relationships will ever work when I’m not with the one I really want to be with. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“You want to be with me.”

“I love you,” Javier said, like it was a big revelation.

“I know,” Yuzuru said with a half-smile.

“What?” Javier got up from Yuzuru’s lap, almost sputtering, and turned to face him.

“You love me.”

“Well, that’s…” Javier trailed off with a self-conscious laugh. “I only realized it when I saw you again 3 weeks ago. Or I thought about it before I came here, it’s why I came, but when I saw you, I knew.”

Yuzuru almost laughed out loud. It was just like Rostelecome. As if the 7 years of love he received from Javier didn’t count just because he hasn’t realized it yet.

Yuzuru was 19 the one and only time they kissed. Yuzuru was the reigning Grand Prix, Olympics, and Worlds champion. They were in Javier’s hotel room, laughing, when Javier suddenly reached over and kissed him, like he couldn’t help himself. Yuzuru was surprised, not that Javier wanted to kiss him but that Javier actually acted on it. Too many taunts about being gay in a gay sport tends to make you in denial about your feelings. When Yuzuru didn’t pull away, Javier kissed him again.

Javier kissed him then like he was something precious. Small, moist nips on his lips. Javier held Yuzuru’s face, caressing his cheeks and temple. He’d pull back, hold their foreheads together, whisper _Yuzu_ like it was the answer to everything, and kiss him again. Things didn’t have time to progress beyond some reverent kissing before Yuzuru put a stop to it. Unlike Javier, Yuzuru had thought about this before, what could happen, the possible fall-out to their relationship, their careers. Yuzuru left Javier’s room with a final kiss, Javier still looking shell-shocked. It was the very definition of “nothing happened.”

Two months later, Yuzuru heard Javier was with Miki. Yuzuru tried to be happy for his friends and re-affirmed his decision by shattering world records. Yuzuru had just got back his Worlds title from Javier when he learned that Javier had broken up with Miki. Yuzuru was equal measure sympathetic, annoyed and exasperated. They were entering the Olympics season. Neither of them can afford to be distracted. And from what Yuzuru can tell, Javier didn’t even know what exactly he was asking from him. Yuzuru told him to train more. Javier went home to Madrid and came back to Toronto with a new girlfriend. It was so typical Javier that Yuzuru didn’t even bother rolling his eyes. Now he’s back in Toronto and single again. Which leads them back here to Javier’s couch, where Javier seems to finally know exactly what he wants.

“We’re not rivals anymore, not competing against each other,” Javier said. “I’ll go back to Madrid and I won’t see you again for half a year, and I can’t live like that anymore. I miss you. I mope around and annoy the hell out of everyone.”

“I miss you too.” Yuzuru has to admit not having Javier with him in Toronto wasn’t all that great. It affected his concentration more than he’d like to admit.

“Do you think...Yuzu, do you love me?”

It was such a stupid question that Yuzuru could be forgiven for not being ready with an answer. Javier was the most important person in Yuzuru’s life, doesn’t he tell him that all the time? No one else even comes close. It’s only that skating has been his life since Yuzuru was 4. But Yuzuru was not 19 anymore, with the weight of his people’s dreams on his shoulders. The mantle he carries now is that of a conquering monarch. During the parade after PyeongChang, Yuzuru noted the messages in the banners held aloft for him. They said - _Congratulations! Thank you! You have given us so much! We hope you are happy!_ \- so different from 4 years ago. It made him think that he has somehow paid people back for their sacrifices. That, maybe, he is allowed to carve a little happiness for himself.

Yuzuru leaned over and kissed Javier, taking _this_ for himself. As a prize, as a reward. But mostly because he wanted it almost as much as wanted his two gold medals, and because thinking of how he broke Javier for his own ambition also made Yuzuru break a little inside.

The next day during practice, Yuzuru nailed all his jumps, every time. The practice bell rang for him twice that day, one for each clean program. Yuzuru knew he probably looked smug but didn’t care. Yuzuru was standing by the edge of the rink, talking to Brian and Ghislain when Javier skated to a stop beside him, placed a hand on his waist, leaned in and dropped a quick peck on Yuzuru’s lips before skating away again. Ghislain dropped his water bottle and Brian’s eyebrows almost reached his hairline. Yuzuru just smiled back.

There were things to sort out. Their separate schedules haven’t changed and Javier doesn’t live in Toronto anymore. Javier grouses about having to pack up again but neither of them has seriously considered an alternative living arrangement. Javier has serious talks with Brian over being part of the TCC training team. It’s not incompatible with his plans for building up skating in Spain. Yuzuru has generously proclaimed that he would not be averse to making some promotional appearance in Spain, provided it wasn’t during skating season. That announcement led to a sinfully hot mouth around his hard cock as the Javier showed his appreciation for Yuzuru’s generous spirit by doing his best to make Yuzuru lose his mind.

Yuzuru told his mother one evening over dinner. She wasn’t exactly surprised but she wanted to know how they planned to negotiate the future. Yuzuru said they’re dealing with it but reassured her that he would still be focused on skating, that their family’s sacrifices won’t be in vain. Yumi reached out and touched him gently on his cheek, telling him he has always made them proud, but his happiness is all she ever wished for him, and wiped the tears that ran down his face.

The season ended like it did in 2014, with Yuzuru as the reigning Olympics, Grand Prix, and Worlds champion. Javier had his Euros. Instead of the hotel room provided by the ice show organizers in Japan, Javier stayed with Yuzuru in his new place, a condominium tastefully blending nature and modern amenities, close but separate from his parent’s place. They christened every room, having sex on every available surface, once almost toppling the shelf displaying the gifts of appreciation from the City of Sendai in their enthusiasm. In Spain, Yuzuru gamely threw out some Spanish greetings to the media, posed for pictures, and generally praised Javier for his skills and love for the sport. He spent time with Javier’s family, getting to know his friends - the ladies all exclaiming how much prettier he is in person, while the men gave him bemused looks when he smiled at them. He only stayed long enough to annoy Javier with his tight-assed way of doing things, then wisely gave up and left the packing to Javier.

Javier joined him in Toronto two weeks later where he was already working on his new choreography. Officially, the house where Yuzuru had lived with his mother for the last 7 years was still being paid for by his sponsors, but his mother had stayed behind in Japan, and Javier has rented a place bigger than his old one where Yuzuru spent his evenings and where most of his clothes have migrated.

In all the years that Javier has touched him in public as friendly rivals and rinkmates, not once had he stood behind Yuzuru, placed his hands on his hips, and nuzzled his nape. He has never once placed kisses just behind and below the ear, with his warm breath fluttering Yuzuru’s soft hair because no amount of denial and sublimating could ever make this act appear as anything other than sensual. Yuzuru now thinks that’s a shame, tilting his head to give Javier better access. Had he known it would be this good, perhaps he would have seriously considered giving in at Rostelecom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I can't write a simple pairing fic without it turning into a character study ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Yuzuru talked about the burden of carrying the hopes of Sendai in the Sochi interview, and how talking with his mother changed how he viewed it. 
> 
> [This](https://twitter.com/michaeljardins/status/979720699085500416) is a lovely clip of Yuzuru quietly going around the rink reading banners put up by his fans. It's such a sweet and private moment it almost seems a shame that the camera caught it.


End file.
